I need to go shopping

It's getting down to crunch time, so I've started listing out what I need to pack and figuring out which of these things still need to be purchased or replaced. It looks like I'll be needing to buy a lot of stuff, mostly toiletries and basics. Nearly everything is more expensive in France, so I'm going to try to bring as much as I can with me. I have most of the big-ticket items covered, but I do need new running shoes pretty badly. Actually, I need new shoes in general pretty badly. Those are definitely more expensive in France, so I'll have to get those here before I go!

I'm starting to discover that there are quite a few unusual items I need to bring with me. Well, "need" is relative, but for me they are necessities! Fore example, apparently peanut butter is hard to come by in Europe. I LOVE peanut butter. I don't use the sugary stuff like Jiff or Skippy, but my natural, unsalted peanut butter from Trader Joe's is something I use daily. If I want to keep this creature comfort from home, then I need to bring some in my luggage. 

Also, good vanilla extract is nearly impossible to find. This horrifies me! I love to bake, and I use vanilla extract in almost everything I bake. It is absolutely necessary for chocolate chip cookies, which is one of my favorite things in the universe. I also use a little of it in my coffee. So basically, I need to take a gigantic bottle with me. Come on, my host family needs to try my all-American homemade chocolate chip cookies!!! I own at making those. Mmm.

Maple syrup is also not readily available in France, which makes sense I suppose because maple trees are a very North American thing. I love to use maple syrup on pancakes and French toast, and I would love to introduce my host family to this glorious topping, so I'll bring at least a small bottle with me. 

My favorite toiletries that I use every day most likely won't be available in France, and if they are available to purchase then they will be more expensive, so I'm going to bring those things with me. This is especially relevant for deodorant and feminine care products, I've been told, so if you are moving to France (or Europe in general), be warned!

My friend who studied abroad in Paris for a year said that while they will obviously not have everything that we do in America, the grocery stores will have most of the products that Americans are used to, though they will be French versions of these products. I think it will be kind of fun to compare American and French grocery products! Actually, maybe it will just be embarrassing, because I know that a lot of French food items are of a lot greater quality than American food items (mostly regarding butter, wine, and chocolate). I'm looking forward to getting used to shopping for items in France, I feel like I will fit in a lot better once I know my way around a store and know what I like.

I feel like my brain is all over the place right now, there is so much information to take in and so much to consider. I'll be back with a more detailed shopping list and tips! (and hopefully a more organized brain too)

It's here!

My official visa just arrived yesterday!!!

It was very unexpected. The visa officials told me that it would take about two weeks, and the website says to allow for four weeks during the summer, so I wasn't expecting mine to come in until at least next Wednesday. But it came yesterday!!! It only took one week, which means that the French Consulate in LA is AWESOME.

Now that I'm allowed to legally live in France for the next year, I have to finish preparing for my move. Lots of lists and advice to come! Less than a month until I leave! It's all starting to feel very real now.

Almost there!

Wow, time flies so quickly! I haven't posted in quite a while. I've been so busy figuring out logistics regarding my flight and visa. It's been a wild ride, but I'm happy to report that I'm almost there!

Before going to my visa appointment, I had to have my au pair contract approved by the employment agency in France. My poor host family was put through the ringer! I had sent them all of the correct papers and they dropped it off at the agency, but the agency lost the whole file. The WHOLE thing. Thankfully I had sent them copies of all of my documents, but they had to scramble to put the file back together so I could have the approved contract in time for my visa appointment. Now that it's over and I was able to get the contract in time, we can laugh about it, but at the time it was pretty stressful (mostly for them).

After that whole thing, I had to prepare for my visa appointment. If you are going through the visa process yourself, I highly recommend staying overly organized. I had a nice file folder that I used to keep my necessary documents in order. I had them arranged by type of file, and I double and triple checked everything days before my appointment to make sure I didn't have to worry. This saved me a lot of time and stress. Also, make sure that you double check the requirements for visa papers regularly  before your appointment, just in case the requirements change. Mine didn't, but you never know, and they reserve the right to change them at any time. It would suck to go to your appointment, only to find out that the requirements changed just the week before and you didn't know! Don't let that be you!

My appointment day came pretty quickly. On Wednesday, I headed to LA early in the morning to the French consulate. I'm very fortunate to live close to LA, because this consulate serves all of Southern California plus New Mexico, Nevada, and Colorado (I think? I'm pretty sure it serves most of the American Southwest). I feel bad for people from Colorado who have to go all the way to LA for their visa appointment! It saved me a lot of time and money to only have to drive from Orange County.

Traffic to LA is awful though, so I left at 7:30 for my 9:45 appointment and got there in 2 hours (without traffic, it takes about 1 hour). Before I left for LA, I had to get a FedEx US Airbill. This was an adventure in itself. I got there believing that it would take five minutes, but it took the sales associate (who had no idea what I needed for my visa appointment and had no experience with the mailing requirements for visas) and me an hour to figure out exactly what I had to get and how I had to pay for it. Gah! I was a mess because I was afraid I would be late for my appointment or bring the wrong document. Thank god for smartphones, I would have been in serious trouble if I couldn't have googled what I needed exactly from FedEx. I'm very thankful for the associate's patience, and she did throw in a free color copy of my passport, but she wasn't very helpful or knowledgeable about what I needed, and it turns out that what I insisted that I needed (and she insisted she couldn't get for me) was actually what I really did have to do in the end. I didn't even have to spend that extra hour in the first place if she had known that.

*IF YOU NEED A FRENCH VISA: get a FedEx express US airbill, put yourself in as the sender and recipient, and have it billed to the recipient (you need to create a FedEx billing account beforehand to do this). This will save you a lot of time at the FedEx store. I also recommend getting the airbill the day before, or padding extra time in your schedule the morning of, because if I hadn't left as early as I did in the morning (I got to the FedEx office at 6:30am), then I would have missed my appointment.

The visa appointment itself was surprisingly a lot easier than I thought it would be, in large part because the employees at the Consulate were so friendly and helpful and because I was extremely organized and prepared. I was 15 minutes early, but they were running late on appointments and there was even a couple who arrived an hour late and still was able to attend their appointment, so I wouldn't worry too much about about being very early if you have a visa appointment at the French Consulate. The security guard was SO nice, and we had a great little chat before I sat down to wait to be called to one of the two windows. The lady at my window was very professional yet friendly, and asked for my documents one at a time. I gave them to her in the order she asked, then she took my picture and my fingerprints. After that I paid the fee ($130 for an au pair visa), and then she told me it looked like I had everything in order and the visa would take about 2 weeks to be approved. This was great news to me, since the website said it could take up to 4 weeks. Then I went home!

So now all I have to do is wait. I know that I had all of the correct papers and that there is no reason for my visa to not be approved, but I'm still a little nervous. I hope the news comes in sooner rather than later!

I hope this is helpful to anyone else getting a visa from the French Consulate in LA. Don't be afraid, as long as you stay organized and on top of things, everything should go smoothly.

Finals, Visas, and Other Fun Life Moments

Has anyone ever tried to study for finals and figure out the legalities of moving to a new country at the same time? Well, don't ever do it. I beg you. It's awful.

I have two finals tomorrow. They are the only finals I have this week, and the only thing between me and graduation. I also have to complete paperwork so I can have a necessary component for my visa in my hands by the time of my visa appointment. Or else I cannot move to France and/or have to change my flight and spend more money.

So now I am facing the eternal struggle: which do I focus on more? I suppose I should focus on my finals now, since I've done all I can do regarding my visa paperwork for the moment (I did it all for the whole day when I should have been studying). But now all I can think about is my visa. And money. And getting everything done in time. So every time I look at my study material in an attempt to continue, I just get lost in thought.

I really need to focus. I need to make sure that I at least pass these finals so I can maintain my GPA and continue to graduate with honors. Go out with a bang, right? In fact, I should probably stop writing and get back to work right now. So I'll leave now.

Just remember to avoid filing for visas around stressful times like finals and graduation. Seems like common sense (which apparently I don't have), but you never know.

$$$!!!

Ah, money. Money, money, money. I wish I could say that I didn't care about it, but I kind of need to pay bills and eat food, so yeah. I care.

I am completely freaking out over money right now. Being an au pair is EXPENSIVE. They do not tell you how expensive it is. Not only do I have to pay for my flights (over $1000), but I also have to pay for my own language lessons for an entire year (about $1400), my visa and residence fees (don't even get me started, that is a whole other post), my phone, and God knows what else. It is all adding up way too quickly for me to be comfortable with.

It's times like these that I get frustrated with life. I am frustrated that I work so hard and yet I see so little return for it. I am frustrated with living in debt (because there is no way I am affording this without a loan and a credit card). And I am afraid.

It seems like I've been saying that I'm afraid a lot lately. Which is strange, considering that I wrote a post a while ago about bravery and how I was not afraid to go to a new place and live there. I didn't lie about that. I really am excited for this new journey. It's not living in a new country with new people that I'm afraid of. It's not being able to live my life fully because of money and debt.

Yet here I am, still going through with this au pair business. It might seem foolish to some people. After all, I could stay in the US and work and gain savings rather than lose money to debt and interest rates. It's definitely more practical and sensible, and I appreciate that. I've always thought it was important to be practical about things.

But I'm young. I've just graduated from college (well, next week, anyway). And I don't want to be stuck. The only thing I'm more afraid of than being a slave to debt is being stuck. If I were to stay in the US, I would continue to live with my parents (which is problematic in quite a few ways, but necessary because of the next point). I would find an average job that would pay barely anything. Art history majors don't have many good-paying options. I would remain in the place I have been since I was born. And life would be debt-free, for sure. But guess what else it would be?

Monotonous. Empty. Soul-crushing. These may seem like dramatic words, but I'm not exaggerating. I'm not one who tends towards drama. Staying in the US would be good for my pocketbook, but wildly damaging to my self. If there's one thing I've always wanted, it was to be independent, to experience new things, and to make my way through the world.

Sure, as an au pair, I will still be making next to nothing. I will be in debt. But you know what? I'll be stretching my mind in beautiful ways. I'll be learning a language in the best environment. I'll be experiencing new things, traveling to new places, and growing as a person in ways that I probably never knew I could. I highly doubt I could get that by staying in the US. Actually, I know I couldn't.

So while it may be difficult, and I might struggle financially, ultimately this is the best decision for me. Here's to hoping that everything works out in the end!

Cool Finds

I bought a few cool things yesterday (and on sale, too!) that I am really exited to take with me to Paris, and I want to share them because they are too cool not to share.

This one is probably the most amusing. I'm not a very raunchy person and I don't swear all that much, but even though I know I won't actually be using most of what's in this book, it would be really useful to know these things! That way I could better understand what people are saying in the real world, not just proper French. Also, it's just funny to read! It does have lots of useful slang in it too that would make me look less lame to the French people who are my age.

I had to pick this up the moment I saw it. Apparently Paris is a great city for walking adventures, and I love walking around and exploring places, so this seemed perfect. I don't think it would be a value buy if someone were to go for a week or so vacation in Paris, because there are 50 total walking routes, but since I'll be staying for nearly a year, this will be the perfect way to explore Paris. I'm really excited to put these to use!

Of course, I had to get a general guidebook as well, so I chose this one. I explored a few different guidebooks when I went to London, but I liked this one the best. It has lots of useful information in it, and on top of that it's very nice to look at. What can I say? It's the art history major in me.

So now I'm set book-wise for my trip. Let's hope that preparing for the other aspects of heading to France go just as smoothly as buying these items!

And now comes the lemonade!

That's right, I have a new family!

I am very excited. I didn't end up going through an agency, but I am still very pleased with the outcome. This time I will have two kids who are a bit older, which is nice, and the parents seem like such lovely people. To top it all off, guess where I will be living?

Paris! Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!

It turns out that losing the au pair job in Germany truly was for the best. I already speak a bit of French, and I will be living in one of the best and most romantic cities in the world. I can hardly contain my excitement! We are starting the visa process right away, which makes me feel a lot more secure about the job. I can't wait to meet the family and get to know them, and to have amazing adventures in the city of light!

Struggles

I've been trying to avoid posting until I find another au pair job, but I realized it might be a good idea to talk about my struggles while I go through them.

Things could definitely be worse. I do have some prospects that seem really great, and overall I am satisfied with my life. I am having a hard time dealing with the uncertainty of not having an au pair job yet though, especially considering that I have a nonrefundable, one-way ticket to Europe already. It makes me nervous that I don't have a job when I am already going there. I know everything will work out, and I'm working really hard to make sure it will work out, but it's been a mental and emotional struggle for me.

I am afraid of not finding a position. I want to be in Europe so badly, and it would crush me if I could not go. I am also afraid of finances. I have this plane ticket, and to be honest I don't know if I can afford a plane ticket back right away (nor do I want to come back right away). I'll need a job in order to stay in Europe, and if I do have to go back to California I'll have to get a better job than the one I have right now. I need to pay off my student loans. I don't want to be in debt for the rest of my life.

This is quite a scary time in my life to be honest. I'm very excited for the future, and for the most part I'd say I'm very positive and optimistic about everything. I just hope that this optimism isn't misplaced.

Hopefully I can make an arrangement with a good family soon. I'll need to in order to start the visa process. Gosh, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.

All I know is that every single part of me is living for being in Europe. It's something I've wanted to do my whole life. So there's really no room for failure, and I must keep trying and keep being positive.

When life gives you lemons

...first cry your eyes out.

Then go make lemonade.

I found out some extremely disappointing news the other day: the German host family that I was so excited about is no longer able to host me as an au pair. I can't even begin to describe how upset I am. I had checked my email just before I had to give a presentation for a class, and promptly had to exit and miss that class because I could not stop sobbing.

I have dreamed of living in Europe since I was a little girl. Imagine that you get what you had always dreamed of, and have by this time invested a lot of time, money, and energy into that dream, only to have all of that ripped away from you with one email. So yeah, I was devastated.

I had no idea what to do. I was completely shocked and thrown. I don't think I've ever been that caught off-guard in my life. I was so excited to get to know them, to learn from them and have a great time with them. Then again, this was all happening so easily that I didn't honestly stop to think that something might happen that would throw a wrench in my plans. I feel pretty foolish now. I put all of my trust and an entire critical year of my life into one family that I don't even know. Somehow I felt kind of violated. So I let the floodgates loose, and they ran on and on for a while.

Once I calmed down, I stopped to assess my situation. I had lost valuable time job searching and had ignored or turned down great offers to au pair for other families because I decided to commit to this family. I had spent hours researching Cologne and moving abroad, time I could have spent looking for a family who would actually commit to me for real or doing my thesis work or looking for a job. By the way, I had already notified my work that I was leaving for good in August. So there you go. Adding insult to injury, I now had a one-way plane ticket to Germany that is nonrefundable, and not enough funds by the time of the flight to purchase a return ticket. Then I started sobbing again because seriously, this is not a great situation to be in.

After I spent some time feeling sorry for myself, I realized that I had the power to change things. I may not be able to control what other people do, but I can certainly control what I do and direct my own life. Attitude really is everything, so I decided that the pity party stopped there. It was cathartic and necessary to express my sadness over this awful news, but I had to switch gears. Now I must do everything in my power to make it to Europe for a year: no is not an option. I want this so badly, and I need to make it happen. And it will happen. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and this particular door closing just means that another door, an even better door, was waiting for me all along.

I've reopened my account on GreatAupair and am going to see what else I can find there, but I think I might just go through an agency instead. I'm a little afraid of this same situation happening again, and with an agency that fear is taken away. I may have to pay a bit initially, but I'll be guaranteed placement. I've also decided that if I go through an agency, I'll go to France or Belgium instead of Germany. I already know French, so I'll meet visa requirements for that (I would have had to do a bit of slightly-illegal maneuvering in Germany with the visa language requirement, which I can't do through an agency), and I will also be able to learn German in Belgium if I so chose (which will put me ahead in my graduate studies).

I need to stay positive. I can't give up now. I've wanted this for too long, and I know that if I let one setback get to me I would never forgive myself. I'm still disappointed and upset, but I need to focus those angry and negative emotions into constructive problem solving so I can actually move on with my life and do the great things that I've always wanted to do. So here's to hoping that everything works out this time around!

Has anyone else ever received crushing news, big or small? Did you bounce back?

*also, if anyone reading this wants to be an au pair, just go with an agency if you want guarantees*

Culture Shock

I'm really curious as to how I'll deal with culture shock when I get to Germany, or if I will go through this feeling at all.

You see, when I went to England I didn't feel any sort of shock about my new environment at all. Granted, I do know the language of that country, so perhaps that's why I didn't feel anything related to culture shock. But it was definitely different from America; I just didn't feel overwhelmed in a bad way by the differences. I loved learning about them! It was such an adventure. I'm not sure if I felt this way because I was only there for 10 days or because I speak English fluently, but I hope that my transition in Germany goes smoothly as well.

I am most worried about not knowing much German, because I know that being in an environment where English is not the primary language will be a huge adjustment for me. I have never been to a place where English is not primary. I am blessed to live in a cultural melting pot in the US, so I hear other languages all of the time, but English is always spoken because I live in America. And in England, English was always spoken because I was in the UK (not exactly the same as American English, but close enough so I can recognize it and easily talk to everyone). I guess I've been to Mexico, but the few times I went I never had to deal directly with the culture or the native people. I wonder how I'll react when I hear everyone speaking German instead of English all of the time. I know that many Germans, especially in the big cities like Köln, speak fairly good English as well, but they are not native speakers and they won't just go yelling English in the streets. I definitely need to learn more German, and really study hard when I get there. Thankfully I'm immersing myself in Germany, so I will have many opportunities to improve and then the language barrier will slowly go away.

I also don't really know what life is like in Germany yet. What are their grocery stores like? How do people normally travel? What do people do with their friends when they just want to hang out? When are mealtimes? What's the pace of life like? Things like that. I'm very excited to learn though, so I'm hoping that my excitement plus my experience with another culture previously are signs that my transition to German life won't be difficult.

I'm just really glad I found a family that is really nice and fun. I think that will make adjusting to German life that much easier. If anyone has any advice on dealing with moving to a new country, I'm all ears!

Senioritis (it's real)

I'm having trouble focusing on my schoolwork lately.

I'll start to make my thesis presentation, but then I miraculously find myself on expat forums about Cologne looking for general living and culture advice and wisdom. Then I'll attempt to finish editing my thesis, but I'll end up looking up which German dictionary I should buy.  or research for my Islamic Spain paper, and end up reading the Germany section of 1,000 Places to See Before You Die (I have now moved on to read about the places in the rest of Europe as well, for the billionth time). It's an involuntary reflex, I swear.

It's not that I'm not interested in my school work. I am doing a major that I love and that interests me greatly. I'm frankly just not interested in doing any actual school WORK right now. Learning, yes. Work, no. And why is that, you may ask?

Because I am graduating in five weeks and moving to Germany for a year, that's why!!!! 

Seriously, who can focus when they are facing that. It's hard. I just want it to be over because the anticipation is killing me. Not only have I already been in school for the past 18 years (if you include preschool and kindergarten, which I totally do), but I am moving on to do something that I've always dreamed of doing. I'm going to be living life in a new way, in a way that is very exciting to me, and I can't wait to start. It's like schoolwork is just getting in the way right now, a nuisance that I have to at least passably finish in order to get to the phase I want to be in. 

At the same time, though, I'm a perfectionist who loves to do well. I hate doing poorly on something. I especially hate doing poorly on something when I know I could have done better. So now these two sides of me are duking it out in my head, with mixed results. I'll completely plan out how I'm going to teach one of my classes in a fit of inspiration, only to leave it alone for a while and hastily finish it the night before. I won't put much effort into one project and get an B+, but then out of guilt I'll put a lot of thought into the next one for that class and get an A. (Strangely enough, I have also completed a paper in four hours literally the day it was due and received rave reviews from the professor, while I put a lot more time and effort into another paper for the same class and professor only to get a "needs work" comment. Seriously. Life is weird.)

Basically, I go through strange bursts of energy and motivation, like my mind is saying "THIS IS YOUR LAST QUARTER, FINISH STRONG! WOOHOOOO MOTIVATION!" And then a few days later I will sit on my couch and read a favorite book when I really should finish studying for a test I have the next day. While I am admittedly not always the most on top of my schoolwork (hello, procrastination), I am usually a lot better about being on top of things and a lot less scattered than I have been these past two quarters.

Senioritis. It's real. Thankfully, it's also not a death sentence. 

(I hope)

Airplanes: Continued

While flights may be quite wonderful for getting you to faraway places (relatively) quickly, they are obviously quite expensive, as I've already extensively complained about. Another downside, one that only becomes noticeable when you are actually on the plane, is the horrible discomfort that you find yourself in when seated. The longer the flight, the worse it is.

I did not fully realize this until I flew to London. I had flown on a plane before, but I was 15 and I was only flying to Michigan, making the flight about 4 hours long. Walk in the park compared to flying across the Atlantic. Flying to London had me on a nonstop, 13-hour experience. And let me tell you, the seating situation not only gets worse the longer the flight, it gets exponentially worse.

Before I got on the plane, I was very optimistic about the whole thing. 13 hours, please! I could totally entertain myself for that whole time without going insane, and I would probably be sleeping most of the time anyway so it didn't matter! And in-flight movies for the win! I was also strangely excited about airplane food. I suppose that would be because it's a novelty for me, since I don't fly often. You know what, just don't ask.

But then I got on the plane. And I got to my economy seat. And I said "oh." In a very small voice. Yeah, economy seating is just not that great. I say this as a person with a pretty small frame, too. Those seats are cramped! It's not even completely about the seat size; there is just no room to move. You are literally >thisclose< to the person next to you. You are often touching. You have no room to put the things you were going to entertain yourself with on the flight. There is no room to stretch your legs. You can't lean back enough to feel like you aren't sleeping upright. It is just so, so uncomfortable. So basically, all of this meant no sleeping for me. I'm not kidding. I only slept for a grand total of 2 hours on the whole 13 hour flight, which, might I add, was during the time when I would normally be sleeping in California. By the time I got to my hotel in London, I had virtually not slept for nearly 48 hours.

And let's talk about entertainment while we're at it. Not being able to sleep, or move, or do anything else somewhat productive, I found myself with a lot of spare time on my hands. Thankfully I had magazines and my sudoku book to look at, but two hours into that I started to become sleepy and, of course, was not able to actually sleep. So then I looked to the movies. At first I was really excited. So many options, I could just keep on going and it would feel like we landed in no time!

Ha. No. I could barely hear the movie over the engines, and my screen had awful glare so I could barely see what was going on either. It didn't even feel like I was watching the movie because all I could see were flashing figures and all I could hear were faint mumbles that sounded somewhat like English. It was a futile endeavor, to say the least. Still, I tried to stick with a movie or two just to keep me occupied. This failed miserably.

By this time, I was extremely bored and near-deliriously tired. I checked the flight panel on my screen to see how much time we had left.

6 hours. Great.

At this point I thought I would go insane. I actually started to feel a little insane. Thankfully I found out that the people I was sitting next to were actually very nice, a mother and daughter visiting London for the second time. We had nice little chats, and this helped keep me a bit more put together than I would have been. Lesson of the day: always take the opportunity to get to know people sitting next to you on a plane. You will most likely get along, at the very least because you are in the same miserable situation.

I finally made it off the plane and promptly slept for 12 hours once I arrived in my room. I was too exhausted to do anything else.

Considering my past experience with transatlantic flying, I think it's best if I start brainstorming ways to make my upcoming experience better. I'm supposed to be spending a bit of time with the guy I'm seeing before heading to my host family's place, and I want to make sure I'm at least a little bit more upbeat when he picks me up from the airport. And I just don't want to go through that badness again. I'll think on it and report my strategy back.

Strangely enough, even if every flight were like this, all of that badness does not deter me in my quest to travel all over the world. Masochistic? Maybe. But I prefer to think of it as adventurous.

Airplanes: the Good and the Bad

Ah, planes. I'm really thankful for them. They make it so much easier to travel to places that are very far away from wherever you are at the moment. I think back to the days when people had to take trains and ships, and then I think back even farther to the days when people had to take horse-drawn carts and wooden boats, and I realize that I live in a pretty good time period for far-away traveling.

Or do I?

Plane tickets are EXPENSIVE. I feel like I have to give one arm in order to be admitted on a plane, and if we're talking first class then I would probably have to give up my firstborn child. For real. It's a lot of money. At least, it is for me, as a student with loans and a minimum wage part-time job. I'm doing this all on my own, and the financial part is hard. I'm just thankful I can afford a ticket at all.

In order to afford this ticket and still be able to pay for other necessities in life, I had to search around for deals. The first site I went to was Skyscanner. I highly recommend this site. It continually has some of the lowest air fares that I've ever seen. Other sites I went to were Kayak and Hipmunk. All of them gave me good airfare options, but they were still quite expensive. I was searching for the deal. You know, that elusive, once-in-a-lifetime ticket that is unbelievably cheap yet still gets you to your destination on an actual passenger flight? Maybe I was foolish in thinking I would find this deal, but I held out anyway because I was very determined to spend as little as possible on my ticket so I would have as much extra money as possible for getting what I will need when I'm actually in Germany.

And wouldn't you know it, a friend of mine told me about STA travel. It's a business that caters directly to students, teachers, and young adults. I knew that I wouldn't be a student by the time I went to Germany, but I was under 26, which qualified me for their special rates. And boy, did they have special rates! Seriously, the flights here were way cheaper than anything I saw on the other websites.

Then I found it. That once-in-a-lifetime ticket that was unbelievably cheap yet still involved a real passenger airplane. It was a one-way ticket to Düsseldorf that cost me a good $200+ less than any other flight that I'd looked at. So I snatched it up. And now I have a flight booked to Germany for insanely cheap (well, that's pretty relative, but for one-way airfare it's insanely cheap!). Side note: for some reason, it is much cheaper to fly into Düsseldorf or Berlin that it is to fly into any other airport, with Frankfurt coming in close behind. Just a trend I noticed.

The catch is that this flight has a 10 hour layover, which brings my total traveling time to about 24 hours. Yeah, it's not the best situation, but who cares??? I got an amazing deal!!! I am very willing to spend 10 hours at an airport if that means I pay a lot less for my ticket. Besides, I saw tickets that were way more expensive that also had long layovers. And on the bright side, it will be next to impossible for me to miss my connecting flight, with all the spare time I have :)

So it's official. I'm going to Germany. I can't wait!

Köln

I'm back from the dead! My thesis is fully formed now, but still needs a lot of editing. Thankfully I can take a bit of a breather from it now!

I am so excited to live in Germany, especially the area of Germany that I am going to: Cologne! Or Köln, as it's also called. I have always wanted to go to Cologne. Not only does it look like a beautiful city, but it is full of history, the people are supposedly very open and friendly, and it is home to the UNESCO world heritage site, the Kölner Dom (Cologne Cathedral). There's a lot more to it than just this, though, as I am slowly finding out. Every time I learn something new about this awesome city, it makes me even more excited to live there. Here are some of the long list of things I want to do in Cologne, which I'm sure it will keep growing the more I learn:

1. Karneval

Rio may be well known for its tropical and festive Carnival season, but apparently Cologne has one of the largest Carnival celebrations in the world. The whole city parties all day, every day, for a good week, and EVERYONE dresses up. It's like the German version of Halloween! And I love Halloween. Mostly because you get to dress up, and I love dressing up. I will definitely be having fun this coming Karneval season!

2. Rhine River

Cologne is situated right on the Rhine River. The river actually runs directly through the city. I find this supremely awesome. I LOVE cities on the water, whether they be on a river or on the ocean. And areas just south of Cologne on the Rhine are known for their wine and beautiful scenery. And I love wine. So not only will I be living along a river (seriously am in love with that), but I will be >thisclose< to some amazing wine country. Adding to that, this particular area is the home of the Riesling, and Rieslings are one of my favorite kinds of wine. I am going to be in heaven.

3. Kölsch 

Cologne has its own kind of beer called Kölsch. While I'm more of a wine person than a beer person, I do enjoy one every now and then, and I am very interested in trying something so iconic to Cologne!

4. Christmas Markets

These can generally be found in all of Germany, but I'm still really excited to go to one when I'm in Cologne! They look so adorable and fun! I went to one when I was in London, and while it was obviously not a real German Christmas Market, it was still pretty cool, and I can only imagine how great a real one would be.

5. Kölner Dom

So I've known about this site for a while, since I've wanted to visit it for a very long time, but I couldn't not include it! It is amazingly beautiful. And old. And I'm quite simply a huge sucker for old religious buildings, particularly cathedrals. This will definitely be a highlight. I want to climb all the way to the top!

6. Architecture

This is not a specific thing or spot, but just generally the architecture of the city. I found out that Cologne was almost completely leveled during World War II (so sad!), but some old buildings (like the cathedral, thank goodness) survived. As a result, the city is a beautiful mix of historic German architecture and modern architecture. I find the juxtaposition between old and new particularly fascinating in architecture, so I'm excited to explore all of the beautiful buildings that I come across!

7. Imhoff-Schokoladenmuseum

Well, that was a mouthful! I am slowly getting used to German, but it's a process. Basically this translates to the...wait for it...Imhoff Chocolate Musuem!!! I'm not even kidding, there is a chocolate museum!!! This city was made for me, I swear. I love chocolate. Soooo much. This is a must-see. I will probably visit at least once a week and get fat.

8. Römisch-Germanisches Museum

Cologne was originally a Roman settlement a very, very long time ago (yet another super awesome thing about Cologne). This museum has a large collection of Roman artifacts found in and around Cologne. It is definitely something I must see at least once!

9. Kolumba Museum

This museum apparently has a really cool mix of ancient religious and modern secular art, which sounds extremely interesting. Plus, it has views of the cathedral. Definitely visiting.

10. Rautenstrauch-Joest Museum

This museum is all about touching everything, which is an amazing concept. It focuses on cultural diversity as well, which is yet another thing to love about Cologne. So excited to visit. Plus, right next door is an old Romanesque church that now houses a small museum of Medieval Christian art. Totally up my alley!

11. Wallraf-Richartz Museum

This is one of the biggest museums in Cologne, with an extensive collection from the 13th century to the present day, which means I am pretty much obligated to explore the whole place. I am an art history major, after all!

12. Cologne Zoological Garden

This is one of the oldest zoos in Germany. Normally I'm not a huge fan of zoos because of animal confinement and treatment, but I think its nice that this zoo puts animals in their natural habitat.

13. Claudius Therme

Natural mineral thermal bath spa. 'Nuff said.

14. Klosterkirche Groß Sankt Martin

Aka Great Saint Martin Church. Another cathedral, yay! This one was mostly destroyed in World War II, but it has since been restored. So yeah, definitely going.

15. Padlocks of Love

Probably not the official name, but that's ok! I've been noticing that many areas around the world have a setup like this now. I know there is one in Paris and one in the Yellow Mountains in China. This one is located next to the Hohenzollern Bridge on the Rhine. Basically, you get a padlock and engrave it with your name and your lover's name, and then you lock it to this fence that has a bazillion such padlocks on it and throw the key in the river. And then your love will last forever! Aww. It's pretty cute. I have to check it out just to say I went. And hey, if things continue to go well with the guy I'm seeing, maybe we'll do one of our own :)

Well, that's all I have for now. Gosh I'm so excited just looking at this list. I don't know how I'll manage to leave Cologne with all of the cool things to do. I was planning on at least traveling to Paris and other areas of Germany, but there is so much to do in Cologne alone! Ha, that rhymed. 

My goal is to do all of these things (at least!), and report back once I've experienced them. With pictures, too!

Abstract

Since I won't have time to write for a while, I thought I would post my abstract for my thesis. Still in the process of finishing the complete rough draft. I have a little over 8 thousand words so far, but I need at least 10 thousand, and what I do have is in need of heavy editing. I have until Wednesday. At least I really like my topic, or else I would be hating life right now. It will be worth it once this is all over and done with though: not only will I have completed a research thesis of a significant length, but I will have an excellent writing sample for grad school and a great feeling of accomplishment. Can't wait 'til it's done!!! 

Abstract:

Veronica Franco and the Enigma of Female Portraiture in Renaissance Venice

Despite the prolific nature of artists during the Venetian Renaissance, there are nearly no definitive examples of female portraits from this time available to modern-day scholars. While this problem has been acknowledge by the scholarly community, it has never been examined in and of itself. It is time to not merely acknowledge the problem, but directly address it. In order to fully understand this phenomenon, it is necessary to examine other examples of female images and portraits from this period. Paolo Veronese’s portrait of Laura Da Pola, Titian’s Flora, and his portrait of Caterina Cornaro serve as primary examples of women in Venetian Renaissance painting. Together, traditional Italian female portraiture, idealized images of women, and allegorical portraiture combine to both contextualize and influence Jacopo Tintoretto’s portrait of Veronica Franco. One of the few identifiable Venetian portraits, this painting provides unique insight into the fluid nature of female portraiture in Venice during its Renaissance. It is this very fluidity of the female image that is the key to the problematic nature of female Venetian portraiture of the 16th century. With such conflicting roles being dealt with in one genre, it becomes difficult to determine after the fact which paintings of women are indeed portraits, especially when documentation is scant. It is therefore possible that there are more Venetian female portraits in existence than previously thought; we are simply not able to identify them as such, thanks in part to the many roles reflected in female portraiture.

I present my research on May 18, and I'm pretty nervous. At least I have a lot of time to prepare!

How I Became an Au Pair

Or really, how I am becoming an au pair (because I'm not actually there yet, sadly. Gotta graduate first!).

1) I researched what the best websites were for connecting families with au pairs.

I ultimately decided not to go with an agency because, while it is a secure option, I didn't want to have to pay a fee to join an agency and I wanted to be able to choose my own family. I have a pretty good gut instinct when it comes to people, and I wanted to make sure that I had more control over who I would be living with.

Over all of the options that I came across in my search, I ended up going with the website Great AuPair, which I highly recommend. It is super easy to use, is recommended by many different sources as a good self-serve website, and you can do pretty detailed searches when looking for families. I like that you can favorite families and they can favorite you back so you know who is interested, and vice-versa.

2) I figured out where I wanted to be an au pair and created a profile.

You can literally be an au pair anywhere in the world. As someone who has a very small list of places that I don't want to visit, narrowing down the areas where I want to work was difficult at first. I knew I wanted to live in Europe for sure, so at least I could narrow down the continent. Narrowing down the countries was the real challenge.

I speak French passably well, so I figured France would be a natural choice in the beginning. But I didn't want to limit my options, so I opened myself up to other areas as well. I know that for grad school, I will have to know two languages in addition to English, and German is highly desirable in my field, so Germany became a top contender as well. And I have always wanted to visit Italy, so I figured that country into my search as a minor option. As a bonus, all of these countries figure into my ethnic heritage, so I would be exploring my (long past) roots no matter where I went. So France, Germany, and Italy became my countries of preference on my profile.

In the end, I focused on Germany because the best families that expressed mutual interest were German families. This ended up working out really well for me because not only will I be learning a third language (so cool!) that is directly applicable to my future career, but the family that I will be working for also speaks French and Dutch (in addition to English and German), so I will have the opportunity to work on my French and possibly learn a bit of Dutch as well. Germany is also pretty centrally located in Europe, so I could travel nearly anywhere in Europe fairly easily and cheaply from my location. As an added bonus, the guy I am seeing lives in Germany, and the closer proximity makes me a very happy woman!

As far as the profile went, I just presented myself honestly and enthusiastically. I really want to get along with my host family, so it was important to me that we are truly compatible. The process was a bit long, but fairly easy.

3) I found a family that I am excited to join.

Finding a family is the hardest part, though it's definitely worth it. It involves a lot of back-and-forth communication, exploration, and thought. I went through families that I ultimately decided against and narrowed it down to a few families in Germany and one in France. When I video chatted with the family I will be staying with, however, I knew that I had found exactly what I was looking for. Thankfully they felt the same way!

I am so excited to meet and get to know my host family. They seem so warm and friendly, and I have a good feeling about them. And, like I said, I tend to be right about my gut feelings. It will definitely be a big change from living with my family in the US, but I'm up for the challenge and I know that I will really enjoy myself and have a great time with my host family. I'm actually really excited about hanging out with the kids, too. They seem super cute and fun, I can tell we are going to have a great time together! I'm currently trying to find them small presents that I can bring with me from California. I want to make a good first impression after all! And I love giving people gifts.

I know I will miss my family back home, though. I'll be gone for nearly a year, and the longest I've been away from home is two weeks. Despite our differences, I really do love them and they love me. The excitement and joy with living in a new place will keep me pretty occupied though, and I'll be able to video chat with them, which will definitely make me feel better. Thankfully, while they will miss me too, they are all very supportive of my decision, so I think I'll be leaving in a good place with them. Now I just have to finish my thesis and graduate so that I can focus on getting to Germany! I probably won't be able to write for about a week because of thesis work actually, but I'll be back soon!

On Bravery and Traveling

This is the single most common comment that I received when I told people that I was traveling to London on my own, and that I am getting again when I tell people that I am moving to Germany for a year to be an au pair:

"You are so brave!"

I was always confused when I heard this, no matter how often I was told this. Who, me? Brave? Pshhh.

I've never considered myself to be a particularly brave person. I am scared of spiders and most other bugs. I am not too fond of the dark. I am startled by sudden, loud noises. I cannot watch any horror or scary movie, no matter how "light" it might be, without completely freaking out. I had a panic attack in a haunted house and had to be escorted out by the workers. I started sobbing before I even walked into Knott's Scary Farm, just from anticipating the horror before me. I probably shouldn't even be admitting any of this because now anyone reading this will think I am a total wimp.

So of course, hearing myself being described as "brave" just didn't make any sense in my mind. Not only did it not make sense because I don't consider myself particularly brave, but it didn't make sense because nothing about traveling on my own genuinely scared me. I was simply not at all scared to go. Excited, yes. Over the moon, yes. But scared? Worried? Anxious? Not at all. Of course, there are things you have to consider and be careful about when you are a woman traveling alone, but I wasn't actively afraid for my well-being. How could I be brave in traveling alone, in going on a genuine adventure, if I was not at all scared to do so?

But then I thought about it for a very long time, and I recently came to a realization. I had been viewing "brave" and "scared" from only one lens.

There are many different kinds of brave. I may not be brave when it comes to the little things, like spiders crawling by my feet, or being alone in the dark, or a moment of horror in a movie. But I realized that I am a lot stronger, and a lot braver, than I give myself credit for though. See, when it comes to embracing life's adventures, and standing up for the ideas and people I love, and being comfortable with who I am, I am strong. I am brave.

And then I realized that those who told me I was brave most likely did not feel this way about themselves. They are scared to do what I had done, what I am doing, and because of this they find me brave. And I find that to be tragically sad. People should not be afraid to go after what they have always wanted in life. They should not be afraid to be themselves, and to live authentically. And yet so, so many people in this world are. Now, that is truly scary.

I hope that more people discover that they really are brave, and that they too can do what they never thought they could do before. I know I am still in the process of discovering this myself. And if we all discover, together, that we are capable of far more than we thought possible, then perhaps that realized potential will make this world a little bit better.

London Calling

Ah, London. I had the very good fortune of going to London this past winter to do research for my thesis. It is what ultimately sparked my deep desire to travel, though I've always known that I would love it once I started. Yes, this was my first trip abroad!

Well, that's not entirely truthful. I've been to Mexico. But still.

London really is something else. I can't believe that I almost didn't go! It's all thanks to my thesis advisor, really. I had a meeting with her and we were discussing my application for undergraduate funding at my school, and she said that I should try and get money for travel so I could see the works of art I was writing about. She suggested London (surprisingly, since my thesis is on female Venetian portraiture). I hemmed and hawed. Wouldn't that be expensive?? They would never give me the money. There is no way they would take me, an undergrad, seriously enough to give me travel funds. 

Basically, I just gave tons of excuses. But she ultimately persuaded me to at least try. What's the harm, right? Right. And guess what?

They gave me travel funds.

And then I worked my butt off to fund the rest of the trip. But it was sooooo worth it. I can't believe that I almost didn't apply for the travel funding, and I cannot emphasize how much this trip changed my life, in more ways than one. I finally discovered the joys of traveling to a foreign country. I got to see my good friend from England, who I hadn't seen in 6 months, and establish an even deeper connection with her. I gained a new perspective on life. I experienced traveling by myself, and how freeing and wonderful it is. I gained more confidence in myself and my abilities.

I even found romance, in a way that you would only expect to see in movies. It was ridiculous and amazing at the same time, and I'm happy to stay that it's still going. You always find the greatest things when you least expect them and are not at all looking for them.

And now I shall post pictures, because who doesn't love looking at pictures of amazing places??

View from my hotel after waking up from a jetlag-induced coma. My first official morning in London!

The iconic red telephone booths.

The National Gallery, which houses a lovely collection of Venetian Renaissance paintings that I was studying. 

St. Martin-in-the-Fields, shortly before meeting an amazing person. 

Big Ben! 

Me in front of Buckingham Palace! 

View of the Thames. 

The London Eye on New Years' Eve. New Years is extremely fun in London, my friend and I didn't end up watching the fireworks show but we DID end up dancing the night away! 

St. Pancras. Goodbye London :(

Oh the places you'll go...

I am embarking on an amazing adventure this summer, and I am so incredibly excited that it is starting to affect my school work. Who can focus on thesis writing when they are going to live in another country after they graduate??? Not me. Nope.

So, backing it up, a few months ago I was thinking about graduation and what I should do with myself once I finished my bachelor's degree. I knew that I wanted to take a year off before heading to grad school. As much as I love school, I am WAY burnt out right now and I need a break. But what to do with that whole year before going back to higher education?

I thought about working full-time and saving money. It's the responsible choice I suppose. I already have a part-time job which could potentially turn into a full-time position after graduation. But then I thought about it more and realized that whatever job I got would most definitely not be in the field I want, and on top of that I would most likely not make that much and still have to live at home. Now, I love my family, don't get me wrong, but I've been living with them for 22 years. As an independent soul, this has killed me over the years. On top of that, I do not have the same values as my family, which makes home life very complicated and stressful. I don't think I could handle much more of this, especially as an adult with a job.

So I started exploring other options. Ever since I traveled to London (which deserves a whole bunch of other posts on its own!), I've had the worst case of travel bug. I knew I had to get back to Europe as soon as possible. I looked into working abroad programs through my university, but ultimately I would have had to pay first to join the programs, and then pay more for airfare, lodging, living costs, all that fun stuff, on top of having a meager payday. This is just not financially feasible for me right now. But that didn't deter me! I knew there had to be some other way to travel that would actually work for me.

Then I remembered hearing about au pair work. I hadn't seriously considered it before, since I wanted to do "real" work and use my education. But then I realized the value of living with a native family in another country, and I thought that if I could find the right family, the experience would be very much worth it. Plus, it seemed like the easiest way as a young, broke woman to get a full cultural experience in another country. I researched the different options for finding au pair work, picked the option that fit me best, and then actually found an amazing family who I'm really excited to work with.

So in short...I'm moving to Germany!!! I can't believe this is happening, and I am beyond stoked about this entire situation. I'll post more details about how I found my job and what led me to choose Germany later on, but first I wanted to share the good news :)

Now I have to at least pretend that I'm working on my thesis so I can actually graduate and get to Germany. Til next time!

Reading the Pages: And So it Begins!

To most people, traveling is an enjoyable leisure activity with a very specific purpose. These people travel to get away from their lives, if only for a little while. They often travel to sunny, tropical beaches and stay in resorts. They relax in the sun, swim in the ocean or pool, and luxuriate in doing absolutely nothing. 

To others, travel is more than an escape from daily life: it's a way to find your life. It is a passion that burns like a fire in your heart. You want to go everywhere, anywhere. You want to learn about the places you visit. You want to explore the nooks and crannies of your location, places that most people don't stick to. You may hit the tourist spots, but you ultimately want -- no, need -- to dig beneath the surface. You immerse yourself in the culture, talk to the local citizens, and research copiously before you leave. Travel is a way of life that you could not imagine living without.

While I do love escaping to a warm, sunny beach when life gets crazy (everyone needs that once in a while, don't they?), I was bitten by the travel bug. Hard. 

I went on my first trip abroad in the winter of 2012-2013, and I have not been the same since I came back. Something clicked inside of me, and I knew that I was meant to deeply experience the world. I may not have a lot of money, but I am determined to go as many places as I can, and I know that if you really want something, you can make it happen. 

I want to share all of my travel adventures, both near and far, and I hope that anyone reading this will be inspired in the way that I was inspired by the awe of going where you have never gone before.