Then go make lemonade.
I found out some extremely disappointing news the other day: the German host family that I was so excited about is no longer able to host me as an au pair. I can't even begin to describe how upset I am. I had checked my email just before I had to give a presentation for a class, and promptly had to exit and miss that class because I could not stop sobbing.
I have dreamed of living in Europe since I was a little girl. Imagine that you get what you had always dreamed of, and have by this time invested a lot of time, money, and energy into that dream, only to have all of that ripped away from you with one email. So yeah, I was devastated.
I had no idea what to do. I was completely shocked and thrown. I don't think I've ever been that caught off-guard in my life. I was so excited to get to know them, to learn from them and have a great time with them. Then again, this was all happening so easily that I didn't honestly stop to think that something might happen that would throw a wrench in my plans. I feel pretty foolish now. I put all of my trust and an entire critical year of my life into one family that I don't even know. Somehow I felt kind of violated. So I let the floodgates loose, and they ran on and on for a while.
Once I calmed down, I stopped to assess my situation. I had lost valuable time job searching and had ignored or turned down great offers to au pair for other families because I decided to commit to this family. I had spent hours researching Cologne and moving abroad, time I could have spent looking for a family who would actually commit to me for real or doing my thesis work or looking for a job. By the way, I had already notified my work that I was leaving for good in August. So there you go. Adding insult to injury, I now had a one-way plane ticket to Germany that is nonrefundable, and not enough funds by the time of the flight to purchase a return ticket. Then I started sobbing again because seriously, this is not a great situation to be in.
After I spent some time feeling sorry for myself, I realized that I had the power to change things. I may not be able to control what other people do, but I can certainly control what I do and direct my own life. Attitude really is everything, so I decided that the pity party stopped there. It was cathartic and necessary to express my sadness over this awful news, but I had to switch gears. Now I must do everything in my power to make it to Europe for a year: no is not an option. I want this so badly, and I need to make it happen. And it will happen. I believe that everything happens for a reason, and this particular door closing just means that another door, an even better door, was waiting for me all along.
I've reopened my account on GreatAupair and am going to see what else I can find there, but I think I might just go through an agency instead. I'm a little afraid of this same situation happening again, and with an agency that fear is taken away. I may have to pay a bit initially, but I'll be guaranteed placement. I've also decided that if I go through an agency, I'll go to France or Belgium instead of Germany. I already know French, so I'll meet visa requirements for that (I would have had to do a bit of slightly-illegal maneuvering in Germany with the visa language requirement, which I can't do through an agency), and I will also be able to learn German in Belgium if I so chose (which will put me ahead in my graduate studies).
I need to stay positive. I can't give up now. I've wanted this for too long, and I know that if I let one setback get to me I would never forgive myself. I'm still disappointed and upset, but I need to focus those angry and negative emotions into constructive problem solving so I can actually move on with my life and do the great things that I've always wanted to do. So here's to hoping that everything works out this time around!
Has anyone else ever received crushing news, big or small? Did you bounce back?
*also, if anyone reading this wants to be an au pair, just go with an agency if you want guarantees*
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