I need to go shopping

It's getting down to crunch time, so I've started listing out what I need to pack and figuring out which of these things still need to be purchased or replaced. It looks like I'll be needing to buy a lot of stuff, mostly toiletries and basics. Nearly everything is more expensive in France, so I'm going to try to bring as much as I can with me. I have most of the big-ticket items covered, but I do need new running shoes pretty badly. Actually, I need new shoes in general pretty badly. Those are definitely more expensive in France, so I'll have to get those here before I go!

I'm starting to discover that there are quite a few unusual items I need to bring with me. Well, "need" is relative, but for me they are necessities! Fore example, apparently peanut butter is hard to come by in Europe. I LOVE peanut butter. I don't use the sugary stuff like Jiff or Skippy, but my natural, unsalted peanut butter from Trader Joe's is something I use daily. If I want to keep this creature comfort from home, then I need to bring some in my luggage. 

Also, good vanilla extract is nearly impossible to find. This horrifies me! I love to bake, and I use vanilla extract in almost everything I bake. It is absolutely necessary for chocolate chip cookies, which is one of my favorite things in the universe. I also use a little of it in my coffee. So basically, I need to take a gigantic bottle with me. Come on, my host family needs to try my all-American homemade chocolate chip cookies!!! I own at making those. Mmm.

Maple syrup is also not readily available in France, which makes sense I suppose because maple trees are a very North American thing. I love to use maple syrup on pancakes and French toast, and I would love to introduce my host family to this glorious topping, so I'll bring at least a small bottle with me. 

My favorite toiletries that I use every day most likely won't be available in France, and if they are available to purchase then they will be more expensive, so I'm going to bring those things with me. This is especially relevant for deodorant and feminine care products, I've been told, so if you are moving to France (or Europe in general), be warned!

My friend who studied abroad in Paris for a year said that while they will obviously not have everything that we do in America, the grocery stores will have most of the products that Americans are used to, though they will be French versions of these products. I think it will be kind of fun to compare American and French grocery products! Actually, maybe it will just be embarrassing, because I know that a lot of French food items are of a lot greater quality than American food items (mostly regarding butter, wine, and chocolate). I'm looking forward to getting used to shopping for items in France, I feel like I will fit in a lot better once I know my way around a store and know what I like.

I feel like my brain is all over the place right now, there is so much information to take in and so much to consider. I'll be back with a more detailed shopping list and tips! (and hopefully a more organized brain too)

$$$!!!

Ah, money. Money, money, money. I wish I could say that I didn't care about it, but I kind of need to pay bills and eat food, so yeah. I care.

I am completely freaking out over money right now. Being an au pair is EXPENSIVE. They do not tell you how expensive it is. Not only do I have to pay for my flights (over $1000), but I also have to pay for my own language lessons for an entire year (about $1400), my visa and residence fees (don't even get me started, that is a whole other post), my phone, and God knows what else. It is all adding up way too quickly for me to be comfortable with.

It's times like these that I get frustrated with life. I am frustrated that I work so hard and yet I see so little return for it. I am frustrated with living in debt (because there is no way I am affording this without a loan and a credit card). And I am afraid.

It seems like I've been saying that I'm afraid a lot lately. Which is strange, considering that I wrote a post a while ago about bravery and how I was not afraid to go to a new place and live there. I didn't lie about that. I really am excited for this new journey. It's not living in a new country with new people that I'm afraid of. It's not being able to live my life fully because of money and debt.

Yet here I am, still going through with this au pair business. It might seem foolish to some people. After all, I could stay in the US and work and gain savings rather than lose money to debt and interest rates. It's definitely more practical and sensible, and I appreciate that. I've always thought it was important to be practical about things.

But I'm young. I've just graduated from college (well, next week, anyway). And I don't want to be stuck. The only thing I'm more afraid of than being a slave to debt is being stuck. If I were to stay in the US, I would continue to live with my parents (which is problematic in quite a few ways, but necessary because of the next point). I would find an average job that would pay barely anything. Art history majors don't have many good-paying options. I would remain in the place I have been since I was born. And life would be debt-free, for sure. But guess what else it would be?

Monotonous. Empty. Soul-crushing. These may seem like dramatic words, but I'm not exaggerating. I'm not one who tends towards drama. Staying in the US would be good for my pocketbook, but wildly damaging to my self. If there's one thing I've always wanted, it was to be independent, to experience new things, and to make my way through the world.

Sure, as an au pair, I will still be making next to nothing. I will be in debt. But you know what? I'll be stretching my mind in beautiful ways. I'll be learning a language in the best environment. I'll be experiencing new things, traveling to new places, and growing as a person in ways that I probably never knew I could. I highly doubt I could get that by staying in the US. Actually, I know I couldn't.

So while it may be difficult, and I might struggle financially, ultimately this is the best decision for me. Here's to hoping that everything works out in the end!