Struggles

I've been trying to avoid posting until I find another au pair job, but I realized it might be a good idea to talk about my struggles while I go through them.

Things could definitely be worse. I do have some prospects that seem really great, and overall I am satisfied with my life. I am having a hard time dealing with the uncertainty of not having an au pair job yet though, especially considering that I have a nonrefundable, one-way ticket to Europe already. It makes me nervous that I don't have a job when I am already going there. I know everything will work out, and I'm working really hard to make sure it will work out, but it's been a mental and emotional struggle for me.

I am afraid of not finding a position. I want to be in Europe so badly, and it would crush me if I could not go. I am also afraid of finances. I have this plane ticket, and to be honest I don't know if I can afford a plane ticket back right away (nor do I want to come back right away). I'll need a job in order to stay in Europe, and if I do have to go back to California I'll have to get a better job than the one I have right now. I need to pay off my student loans. I don't want to be in debt for the rest of my life.

This is quite a scary time in my life to be honest. I'm very excited for the future, and for the most part I'd say I'm very positive and optimistic about everything. I just hope that this optimism isn't misplaced.

Hopefully I can make an arrangement with a good family soon. I'll need to in order to start the visa process. Gosh, I don't even know what I'm doing anymore.

All I know is that every single part of me is living for being in Europe. It's something I've wanted to do my whole life. So there's really no room for failure, and I must keep trying and keep being positive.